Terror at the Beach

Well, today started out as a lovely day. I am on a two week school holiday, which I have to say is quite charming. It is funny how the same time at home that almost killed me when I was unemployed has become a delectable treat now that it's time off from work.

Anyway, sleeping late, tea and shortbread, Skyping with friends, a bit of yardwork in the unseasonably warm afternoon, and then a trip to the beach with Holly in the bike trailer. What could be better?

Little did I know, there was danger just around the corner. Literally. We walked down the hill from where I locked the bike trailer, and stepped out onto the beach. I was thrilled to see that, it being the middle of a work day for non-teacher-types, there were only one or two other dogs on the beach, so I could let Holly off the leash without fear of shenanigans. Or so I thought. Spoiler alert: I was wrong.

As soon as I let her off the leash, Holly bolted down the beach and into the tall grass at the edge of the sand. Given her general insanity, this was not, in-and-of itself, concerning. What was concerning, however, was the enormous seal that reared up out of the tall grass as Holly (uninhibited by it being at least three times bigger than her), pounced on it. From there ensued a terrifying and ludicrous dance between the three of us. Holly and the seal, which was startlingly agile, bounded around in tight circles, snapping their jaws terribly close to each other and making awful noises, while I sprinted across the beach screaming Holly's name, to no effect on anyone. As if that wasn't bad enough, as soon as I got close enough to have some hope that Holly would notice me and come to her senses, the seal noticed me as well, and charged at me with unfathomable speed. My rescue mission instantly became a frantic retreat, but only for a few seconds, as Holly capitalized on the seal's diverted attention to intensify her attack. As the seal charged back at her, I couldn't decide if I was worried that the seal was going to hurt Holly or if Holly was going to hurt the seal, and perhaps this confusion qualifies as a partial explanation for why I was stupid enough to get close enough again that the seal charged me again. Have I mentioned that it is very fast? Well, this time I stayed away, frantically calling my attack-crazed dog while she continued to ignore me and to escalate her battle with the seal.

At this point, a woman ran up with her dog and said, "It's going to hurt your dog! Who do we call?" I did not find the former comment helpful, but the latter was brilliant, given that I'd left my phone in my backpack, which I'd dropped when I saw the seal and was halfway down the beach. I said, "Animal Control" at random, since I don't even know if such a thing exists here, let alone what they would do about my dog and the seal. I instantly forgot all about the lady as I drowned in the unstoppable spectacle of what I was increasingly convinced was the end of Holly's life, when suddenly the seal landed a chomp on Holly's side, and my terror that she'd been hurt instantly turned to relief when I saw her running towards me - and more importantly, away from the seal - with only a slight limp. I grabbed her collar and almost made the mistake of checking her side when she apparently discovered that she was fine and lunged back towards the seal! What an idiot! Anyway, I hung on for dear life (hers, mine, or the seal's, take your pick), and hauled her back to my backpack, where I extricated her leash and put it back on her, resolving never to take it off again.

The nice lady caught up with me at that point and said she didn't call the authorities because they apparently already knew the seal was on the beach. She showed me a sign in the tall grass that said, "Warning, seals may bite, keep well clear." Thanks. So helpful at this point. Why it would not be placed at the entrance to the beach is beyond me.

Thankfully, Holly the Idiot seems to have suffered no damage as a result of her total stupidity. She did, however, have a drastically decreased amount of fun at the beach, given that I forced her to stay on the leash and far away from the seal for the rest of our walk.

You will see no pictures of Holly and the seal in their death battle, because I am (thank goodness), not the type of blogger who will take a picture first and futilely struggle to save her doomed dog second. However, I am the type of blogger who has a camera with good enough zoom to present you with this picture of the seal in all its glory.

I am disappointed with the lack of scale in this picture, which almost allows you to get the impression that this creature is not colossal.

I looked it up, and it seems that we encountered a New Zealand fur seal. On average, the males weigh about 126kgs (275lbs), which seems about right to me, although I must remind you that my estimating skills are terrible. See? Big!

I will say, however, that despite its enormity and ferocity, it is quite cute. I find it a bit silly that I can think that, but look at its lovely soft fuzziness and cute face! The general consensus online is that they are, in fact, adorable, and that they prefer to be docile, but that you should definitely keep clear because when they decide not to be docile, you don't want to be there. If someone could figure out how to tell Holly that, that would be great.

In case you were wondering, no. No, it is not common for fur seals to pop up on the beach in New Plymouth, although they do apparently have signs on hand for the occasion, so it can't be unheard of. It seems that they are much more common on the South Island and in parts of Australia. 

Conclusion: It was still a lovely day on a lovely beach, but I will be far more careful now that I know what could be around the corner.

And... Conclusion Part Two: Now that I'm over the terror of this whole experience, I am actually a bit thrilled at the idea that I live in a place where you can accidentally bump into a fur seal. I've never been able to say that before!