Thoughts on Leaving Kansas

When I talk to people about moving away from Kansas, I often get the feeling that they assume that I am "escaping," or that Kansas isn't enough for me. I have never understood this, because I have been so happy here, and love so many things about my life here. I don't want there to be a dichotomy between wanting to experience new things and appreciating familiar things. I want both. I feel that my life in Kansas has given me the tools I need to embark on new adventures, rather than holding me down until I have to break away.

Here are some things that reminded me of what I am leaving, and made me appreciate it:

Yesterday, my brother Abe took me to Tuttle Puddle, and showed me some of his favourite places there, many of which I had never seen. I forget how beautiful Kansas is, especially when I start comparing it with somewhere like NZ. But Kansas has its own beauty, and I am so glad that Abe and I took time to appreciate it.

Dad and I have been picking sweet corn and eating it for meal after delicious meal, along with many other foods out of his garden.

I am so connected here. People I only vaguely recognize have hugged me and wished me well on my move to NZ. How they know I am moving is unclear, but their warmth and support is no less welcome because of it.

I have been spending as much time as possible in Radina's, sipping the only drink I have gotten there for years - double Chai latté - chatting with friends about anything and everything. I am so comfortable and at ease there. I feel that it is my own space. I will go there tomorrow with Greg, for the last time (this visit), and will savour every moment, every word, and every sip.

I love the people here. I can't even begin to list everyone who is so very much a part of my life here. I can't even begin to say how hard it is to leave all of you. I can't even begin to understand how I will live without all of you. I know that I've done it before, but I don't know how I did it then, let alone how I will do it again. At times it seems that the "making it up as I go along" is the fun part, and at other times it seems that I must have lost my mind somewhere along the way to want to leave again and again. I think the truth is somewhere between the two.