Thanksgiving Reflections

Thanksgiving is my favourite holiday. I am not into buying things, and so many holidays revolve around that now. I am, however, into eating, so that works well. More than that, though, I love spending time with family, and I have wonderful memories of Thanksgiving throughout my life. With four days off work/school, my whole family spends the time at Grandma Verschelden's house, playing games (from Trivial Pursuit to Pitch to football), eating, laughing, telling stories, doing puzzles, etc. I look forward to this time every year, and it always feels warm, comfortable, happy, and loving. I have missed a few Thanksgivings over the years, but not many.

This Thanksgiving (or the day after, here, since that is when it lined up with "real" Thanksgiving in Kansas), I had plans to Skype with the Verschelden family in St. Mary's in the morning, but I got called in to teach at a new Kindergarten. I was very thankful for the opportunity, and I had a fantastic time. I was much more successful at learning the children's names this time, and felt that the day went well. I also met (and made a good impression on, I think), the reliever coordinator, which is good. I was very thankful for children's inclination to love, and for my training that helps me to respond appropriately to them. One of the first things that happened when I got there was that two children got in a fight over positions on a barrel swing, and I had to remove one of them from the area for trying to kick the other in the face. As I pried her off the swing and gently carried her to the couch to calm down, I reminded myself that being calm and supportive, but firm, was the best thing to do. But even as I acted on this knowledge, I had to fight down the frustration at feeling that it was sad that this was my introduction to these children - no time for positive relationship building before becoming the disciplinarian. To my delight, however, the child calmed down, ran over to me and said, "I'm happy now, will you read me a book?" She and I got along great the rest of the day - she both sought me out as a playmate and listened well when I asked her to do things. Before I left, she made me promise to come and visit again soon. I was both honoured by her affection and grateful for my education that helps me to be both a consistent disciplinarian and an affection, playful companion.

Anyway, when the day was over, I rushed home to my rescheduled Skype time, and was so thankful to see person after person cycle through Grandma's little computer room to talk with me. I wished J could have been there to see them, too, but he was at work. It was lovely to talk with everyone, and I am so thankful for Skype allowing me to do so. After hours of talking to everyone, they all moved on to other things, and Abe and I were left to talk. That was really lovely, too, because I don't often get to talk to him, and we had a nice conversation.

While we talked, I frequently heard bursts of loud laughter, shrieks of surprise, or excited exclamations coming from elsewhere in Grandma's house. At the time, absorbed as I was in talking with Abe, I didn't think much of it. But after we had hung up, I realized how badly I wanted to be there, laughing, shrieking, and exclaiming, surrounded by my family. It is a unique and irreplaceable feeling, and I wanted it so much. In spite of myself, I started lamenting how far away NZ is from them, and how difficult moving here has made it to have those kinds of experiences. I distracted myself with other things, and by the time J got home from work, I thought I was better. But when his first question was, "How's the family?" my flood of tears indicated otherwise. (On a side note, I believe that J is beginning to look at coming home to me as an unpredictable grab-bag of an experience. Oops.)

I talked with J about everything, and felt mostly better by bedtime, but I couldn't bring myself to be 100% sure that living in NZ was a really fair exchange for missing Thanksgiving at Grandma's. Given that we do live in NZ, and it's better to see that as a positive, it was not a great feeling.

Then, last night, I had a dream. I dreamed that we had to leave NZ (for some unexplained dream reason), and I was distraught. I was surrounded by my friends and family, who were all being very kind and trying to make me feel better, but I was unconsolable. I cried and wailed and struggled throughout the whole dream, desperate but unable to make it so that we didn't have to leave. When I finally woke up, I was deeply relieved to find that we didn't really have to leave. I don't usually buy in to dream interpretation very much, but this one seemed like a very kind effort on the part of my psyche to make me feel better. It didn't make me forget what I've sacrificed by moving here, but it did help me to remember that it is what I wanted, and that I am happy here.

In conclusion, I am thankful for my life here, and thankful that I have so many wonderful people throughout the world who care for me and make me happy. I am thankful that I have the ability to move across the world on an adventure, and thankful that no matter what, I have a wonderful home in Kansas to return to, Skype with, or draw strength from when I need it. I am also thankful to be able to come to terms (at least for now), with the fact that moving internationally is not easy, but it is worth it.